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Your path to more self-love in everyday life

A text by Nina Lopez Steller, OCT 2020

Women tend to always think of others first and put their own needs at the bottom - at the latest when they become a mother.

Here's a little guide to help you avoid losing yourself in all this.

“ I have enough change of clothes for the daycare bag, quickly turn on the washing machine, the fridge is completely empty, so off I go to the supermarket and I actually wanted to send my finished presentation to my boss today ...” And meanwhile that guilty conscience is building up again because I finally wanted to pick the kids up from daycare on time today so that I can spend more time together. So you rush from one to-do item to the next, skip your lunch break - so that you have more time with the kids in the afternoon - and fall into bed early in the evening so that the next day you can once again prove to your mom, employee and partner that everything is under control. In keeping with this recurring daily routine, I read a fitting quote on the Mamameeting Instagram profile a while ago : “A woman is expected to work as if she doesn't have children and to be a mother as if she doesn't have a job” (Source: Insta mamameeting).

But in order to master all of these everyday roles well, we often forget that the strength and balance required can only be replenished in the long term through conscious affection and time for ourselves. Otherwise, sooner or later, we will lack the energy to be there for the children when they are having a bad day, to rise above it when someone at work " annoys " you , or to point out to your partner, without a bitchy undertone, that they have not supported you enough. Everyone needs strength and balance to get through the negative moments in everyday life. Self-love is therefore one of the basic needs for a fulfilling life and means taking yourself just as seriously as you do others. Consciously make time for your needs; give yourself " me- time" . But how do you get more " me-time " ?!

Your way to more “ me-time ” in everyday life

1. Build self-confidence!

You have to believe in yourself and take seriously the inner voices that tell you your needs. This includes being aware of your own needs and those that are influenced by others. The negative voices in your head hold you back and do not help you move forward because they do not come from you but from external influences, such as the expectations that others have of you or societal pressures that dictate how a woman should behave. You are welcome to block these out. Self-love means listening to yourself and finding out what you need right now, not what others expect of you. Be yourself; the others are already there! This is exactly the mindset that is reflected in the saying on the “open eyes, open heart” T-shirt , which was created in wonderful collaboration with mother of three, Teresa Casamonti.

2. Be able to say no sometimes or ask others for help!

“ Does the washing machine really need to be done today? Can the grandparents or friends pick up the kids today? ” Weigh up the things on your to-do list and prioritize. It’s better to pick up the kids an hour later if you feel you need some “ me time ” to recharge your batteries. What good does it do your children if you picked them up an hour early but you don’t have the mental energy for them?! It’s better to start your time together an hour later feeling refreshed. Then your children will continue to say proudly: “ Who needs a superhero when you have a mum .”

3. Enter breaks in your calendar!

Free up small time slots and enter them in your calendar early on as " me time . " This reduces the risk of you outsmarting yourself and powering through the day without a break. Keep the time slots short, but daily – ideally two or three 20-minute slots a day. It's often easier to stick to this if you have a full to-do list. Blocking in several hours a few times a week is unlikely to work. After a short time, your guilty conscience will get the better of you again, and before you know it, you've got your phone in your hand and are checking your emails. Short and frequent " me times " are better suited to everyday life.

And one last tip from me:

4. Don’t make plans about what you want to do in your “me-time”!

How do you know what your needs will be in a day or two?! Maybe you plan to jump into your cozy leggings or sweatshirt and finish watching your favorite show, or take your weekend diaper bag to yoga. But when the moment comes, you just feel tired, and your inner voice tells you, "I need sleep!" Embrace this need and do what feels good to you in that exact moment!